Understanding Clinginess in Autistic Friends

Friendship is an essential part of life, providing companionship, support, and shared experiences. However, when a friend, particularly one on the autism spectrum, appears overly attached or clingy, it can sometimes feel overwhelming. It’s important to approach these situations with understanding, patience, and clear communication.

Autistic individuals often experience social interactions differently than neurotypical individuals. They may struggle with social cues, have difficulty understanding personal boundaries, or feel a deep attachment to friends who make them feel safe and accepted.

Why Might an Autistic Friend Seem Clingy?

Clinginess in an autistic friend can stem from various factors, including:

• Difficulty understanding social norms: They may not recognize when they are monopolizing time or space.

• Anxiety and uncertainty: Social interactions can be unpredictable, making them seek reassurance.

• Hyperfocus on friendships: Some autistic individuals develop intense interests in specific people.

• Past rejection or bullying: They may have experienced social isolation, making them cling to a positive relationship.

• Need for routine and predictability: A consistent friendship provides comfort and security.

How to Support a Clingy Autistic Friend

1. Set Clear and Gentle Boundaries

Boundaries are essential in any friendship. If your friend struggles with personal space or constant messaging, kindly but firmly communicate your needs.

Example of a gentle boundary-setting message:
"I really enjoy spending time with you, but I also need some alone time to recharge. Let’s plan to hang out twice a week so we both have time for other activities."

2. Encourage Other Social Connections

Help your friend build a wider support system by encouraging them to:

• Join social clubs or support groups.

• Engage in group activities where they can meet new people.

• Explore hobbies that allow them to interact with others.

This can lessen the intensity of their attachment to one person and provide a healthy social balance.

3. Validate Their Feelings

Autistic individuals may struggle with emotional regulation, so it’s important to validate their emotions while reinforcing boundaries.

Instead of saying:
“You’re being too clingy.”

Try:
“I understand that you really enjoy spending time together, and I appreciate our friendship. I just need a bit of space sometimes to recharge.”

4. Suggest Scheduled Social Time

Creating a predictable schedule can help ease anxiety. Instead of spontaneous interactions, plan specific days or times to hang out or chat. This provides reassurance without overwhelming you.

Example:

• “Let’s have lunch every Friday!”

• “I’ll respond to messages when I’m free, but let’s plan a phone call on Sunday.”

5. Model Healthy Friendship Behaviors

Many autistic individuals learn social norms through direct examples. By demonstrating balanced social interactions, you can help your friend develop healthy friendship habits.

Examples of healthy friendship behaviors:

• Taking turns in conversations.

• Respecting personal space.

• Understanding that time apart doesn’t mean a loss of friendship.

6. Encourage Self-Confidence and Independence

If your friend relies heavily on you for emotional support, help them build self-confidence and independent coping strategies.

• Suggest mindfulness exercises.

• Introduce them to self-help books or resources on social skills.

• Encourage small, independent social steps, like initiating conversations with new people.

When Clinginess Becomes Overwhelming

While patience and empathy are key, it’s also important to recognize when a friendship is causing stress. If you feel emotionally drained or that your needs are not being met, consider:

• Having an honest conversation about how you’re feeling.

• Involving a therapist or counselor (if they have one) to help navigate social skills.

• Taking space if needed while reassuring them that the friendship is still valued.

Friendship should be mutually supportive. It’s okay to prioritize your well-being while still being a caring friend.

Final Thoughts

Supporting an autistic friend who seems clingy requires patience, understanding, and clear communication. By setting gentle boundaries, encouraging social independence, and validating their feelings, you can maintain a healthy and fulfilling friendship.

If you or someone you know needs guidance in navigating social interactions and friendships, Blossom ABA offers professional support for individuals with autism, helping them develop essential social skills and independence.

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Frequently Asked Questions

1. How do I explain boundaries to my autistic friend without hurting their feelings?

Use clear, direct, and kind language. Reassure them that you value the friendship while expressing your needs. Example: “I really enjoy our friendship, but I also need time to myself. Let’s plan to hang out once a week so we both have balance.”

2. Is it okay to take a break from a clingy friend?

Yes, it’s okay to take a step back if the friendship is overwhelming. Just communicate your need for space in a kind and reassuring way, rather than suddenly cutting off contact.

3. How can I help my autistic friend make more friends?

Encourage them to join social groups, try new hobbies, and attend community events where they can meet like-minded people. Offer support in social situations and help them practice conversation skills.

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Resources:

1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/nurturing-self-esteem-in-autistic-children/202306/why-emotional-regulation-is-hard-for

2. https://www.levelaheadaba.com

3. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5968048/

4. https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-be-a-good-friend-to-an-autistic-person

5. https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-set-boundaries-with-friends-7503205